dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
