Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
not ubering you a puppy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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