please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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