I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
