Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
