literally had 100 drinks last night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
