i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Found the puke drawer
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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