that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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