ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
