mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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