dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize