i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's just like the Real World with babies
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
