If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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