ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
