Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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