i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
