So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
