Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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