You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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