i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
