remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
