the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
