i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
