Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
