youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
