she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
