My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
