She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
