his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
