So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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