I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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