She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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