I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
ok first of all what the fuck
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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