dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
