Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
