There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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