you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
