anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
