The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
