Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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