Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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