Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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