there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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