Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
