I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
