If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
