Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
two words: eviction party
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
