Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
