don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
