he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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