And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
