Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
