Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
