Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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