The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think my moral compass just broke
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