Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
