Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
