I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
