If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
