So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
