So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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