it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
