How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
