Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
