if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's the barista slut.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
