i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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