i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
now i know why i became what i already was.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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