y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
