he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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