you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
